Family frustrations

Knowing how to deal with someone with a chronic illness is hard. What do you say? What do you do? It’s the main reason why people with a chronic illness might lose a lot of friends. Losing friends is hard, but what about family? For me that’s even harder.I don’t want to say I lost them in a way I lost my friends, but this might even be worse.

So my dad’s side of the family isn’t in my life anymore. I will see them at my dad’s wedding in September, and I see them at funerals, but that’s it.

When I got ill ofcourse my parents told everyone but I never saw one of them. I never got a card or a phone call, I never saw any of them on my birthday anymore and I didn’t even get a card. I felt like I didn’t exist. Why? Why is it so hard to ask a family member how you’re doing? Doesn’t it seem strange to them to ignore the person why was always a part of the family but can’t come now? Is it revenge? ‘You’re not coming to my party so why should I contact you?’. I don’t know.

The last time I saw all of them was last year at my stepmom’s birtday. It was the first time in years except for the funeral of my grandma a couple of years before. I hoped they would tell me that they were happy to see me and ask how I am, but that didn’t happen. Some of them found it very hard to even say ‘hi’ to me and I haven’t talked to any of  them the rest of the night, they didn’t even make eye contact.
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My mothers side of the family is a bit different. They would at least comment or like some things on facebook and I would see them once a year on my mom’s birthay. Not that it was the way it’s suppose to go. You would probably expect someone saying ‘Hey it’s been so long, how are you doing now? How is your boyfriend? Do you feel any better?’. Nope… The first time it was my cousin, the first thing he said when I came in was ‘So, you gained a bit of weight huh? It’s ok, it will go away..’. RUDE!
Then earlier this year it was my uncle. The moment he saw me he said: ‘Hey chubby’.
At the end of the night when they left and said goodbye he called me something else, nice this time. I said ‘Well at least it’s better than being called chubby.’ My mom was like ‘What?!’ He then said: “I can say that, it’s from a good heart, you know that.”
I still don’t know what to think of this. I don’t think it’s normal at ALL. I know I gained a lot of weight but who in their right mind would say something like that?!

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This year has been a bit rough for me and I started to get more and more frustrated when I thought about it.
I am the kind of person who doesn’t mind sharing personal stuff on facebook. I share cute pictures and video’s but I also share my feelings. Ofcourse my family likes every single picture I share of dogs and every animal video I share but the moment something is personal.. *dead silence*.

After some other stuff  that happened to my mom and my uncle telling her not to tell the rest because they shouldn’t worry about her, I was just done.
It hurt so much that I decided to deactivate facebook.

“Apparently, when you treat people the same way they treat you, they get offended.”

If you’re lucky enough to have family that is there for you, try and be  there for them as well, don’t take it for granted. Not everyone is that lucky.
I could never imagine not being there for someone or saying hurtful things or ignoring someone. I just can’t wrap my head around it.
It’s hard to know that no matter how bad you want it, you can’t be sure you’re family is going to be there for you.The same happens with friends, but you can make new ones. You can’t make a new family.

Do you have any problems with family due to illness and how do you deal with it?

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3 thoughts on “Family frustrations

  1. Family issues are never easy. And social media can be lethal when it comes to fragile relationships…

    I only ever knew one side of my family – my dad’s mom walked out on him and his dad when he was 8 – but when my grandfather died that side of the family got back in touch with us. Things are weird now. Not bad, necessarily, but definitely weird. Obviously I cannot call this woman who I never knew ‘grandma’. It just doesn’t feel right. But I don’t blame her for leaving anymore. It’s in the past. My motto is: let’s make the best of the time we have left.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah that’s true. My dad’s side of the family is fighting with one brother. It makes me sad, it doesn’t just affect them but us, the kids, as well. We haven’t seen each other in years, and we were too little back then to have a strong bond to keep it going especially without the social media we have these days. I know it can never go back to the way it was, but it would be nice to at least try and like you said, make the best of the time we have left together.

      Like

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