First of all, I’m so sorry for not writing in the past, what is it, 8 months? A lot has happened and even though I’m doing well I didn’t feel like writing yet.
Last time I said I was going to see the doctor for my anxiety. Trying to figure out what’s wrong, if there’s anything wrong with my body or if it’s all in my head.
Long story short.
I got admitted to a psychiatric ward the 21st of December last year. The main goal was to get rid of my anxiety so we could check if my symptoms had to do with that, or if something else was wrong.
The first thing they did though was check my blood for every possible thing that could be wrong. In the morning. Without being able to eat. I was so nervous and afraid that I was going to pass out that everything else seemed like no big deal after that.
It was weird the first couple of days but in the end, I really didn’t want to go back home anymore. I felt great, I loved everyone there, I had people to talk to and I met a lot of amazing people.
I got help going outside, had a lot of exposure therapy and it helped a lot. I was already taking Citalopram 20mg for a couple of months and I’m still using it. I feel like it made it a little bit easier to get through everything so I’m very happy with that.
Also, I’m living on my own at the moment in a lovely appartment in a new city. Still have a boyfriend and traveling back and forth all the time (who would’ve thought), but I needed a full reset. I needed to not go back to the situation I was in for the past few years.
I’m still getting help and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and if I can do what I want. I’d love to work with animals, one way or another, but I’m too old to go to a regular school. I guess it makes sense, I’m 28, the rest would be like 16, but it’s frustrating.
My goal now is to see how much I can handle. If I will be able to work fulltime or not, and if I can get a diploma one way or another.
Also, I just figured out the results of my blood tests (yeah, they didn’t bother sharing them since nothing was ‘wrong’).
I wonder if any of you have any experience with this. I feel like my TSH is too high. It’s 4,1 mU/L. I read that anything between 0,5 and 4,0 is normal but most of the time it’s around 2,5 mU/L. The hospital said anything up to 4,3 mU/L is normal. I was always very skinny, couldn’t gain weight, now it’s the other way around. I’m not losing weight, still gaining even though I’ve done much more than I’ve done in the past 10 years. I also have muscle cramps and I’m still tired a lot. My mom has the same problem and tells me it’s not normal at all and even when the results are ‘ok’ you can still have symptoms. My
psychiatrist told me there was nothing wrong and it was just a little high that moment, but I FEEL that something is not right. I know my body and I know that a lot had to do with anxiety, but still, nothing has changed when it comes to these symptoms. I also read depression and anxiety can be a symptom so I’m kinda mad they didn’t even bother telling me.
I will go to my doctor anyway since my feet are killing me as well now I’m walking a lot. I can hardly walk when I just got out of bed in the morning, and it doesn’t get any better.
If anyone wants to know more, just let me know. 🙂